MARTIN walks into FREUD’S office. He has come to talk to him about a recurring dream he has been having. FREUD sits behind his desk and there is an empty shezlong available. It is a dirty, red wine colour with creases that indicate it has held many an arse.
FREUD: Please, this seat is Vacant.
MARTIN: Thank you sir.
FREUD: My pen is inked. Deposit what you have inside you all over me. I shall do my best to sludge my way through it all and give you some explanation.
MARTIN: I would appreciate that that sir, thank you. It started, if I remember correctly, about two weeks ago this Wednesday. I was in bed, my wife asleep next to me. Her breath so light that not even god himself would have heard her.
FREUD: Did you kill your wife because you want to be in bed with your mother?
MARTIN: Oh my goodness, no! Nothing so vile as that to disrupt the sanctity of the marital bed.
FREUD: The doctor should be opaque to his patients and, like a mirror, should show them nothing but what is shown to him. I am merely reflecting what is shown to me.
MARTIN: I’m not wholly convinced that is what I said.
FREUD: Just as no one can be forced into belief, so no one can be forced into unbelief.
MARTIN: If I am following you, you are saying that I cannot disprove your theory?
FREUD: Precisely. That’s what makes me such good value for money.
MARTIN: In that case, all I can do is provide you with more stimulus in the hope that you will come to the right conclusion. Whatever that may be.
FREUD: Continue Mr. King
MARTIN: I awoke that evening. I awoke that evening from a dream. I awoke that evening with a feeling of great will to change my future. Our future. The future of the whole of mankind…
FREUD: And in this dream. Were you naked?
MATIN: No! No I don’t recall I was.
FREUD: Well are you aware that you were unbuttoning your trousers as you were saying that?
FREUD: Nah, I’m just joking. But I do strongly think that you are wanting to have sex with something of punch someone in the face.
MARTIN: I don’t believe that violence has it’s place in society. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
FREUD: Word! Civilization began the first time an angry person cast a word instead of a rock. But that doesn’t mean we don’t think about committing acts of sodomy or sticking a pool cue up someone’s backside.
MARTIN: Do you realise that you were unbuttoning your trousers while saying that?
FREUD: No I wasn’t
MARTIN: I am going to have to disagree sir. You are squeezing your testicles right now.
FREUD: …Well, at least I’m realising my dreams.
MARTIN: Well that sir, I can credit you for. You are embodying your dreams. Something which I am yet to accomplish.
FREUD: You know, I like you. I think we would make very good friends and if there was a sitcom made about our antics, I really think a Hollywood network would be interested in it. Put here there…
MARTIN: …Could you wash your hands first?