When Lindsey Lohan Met Judge Judy


LINDSEY walks into her local alcohol convenience outlet. She goes straight to pick up the strawberry laces and walks back to to the till. In front of her is a women who is wrestling with her hand bag. It turns out to be Judge JUDY.

LINDSEY: Erm, excuse me. I’m kind of in a rush here.

JUDEY: Excuse you. Who they do you think you are walking in here telling me where to get off. I’ll tell you where to get off missy.

LINDSEY: Why don’t you just move to one side and let me make my purchase.

JUDEY: Wait a minute. I know you. How are we Miss Lohan? What could you be doing in a convenience store at 9.30?

LINDSEY: What I do with my strawberry laces is my prerogative. I don’t need a bitch with a broom up her ass tell me what to.

JUDY: Oh I see. You come down to the store to pick up a couple of lines and the scoot your fanny back to the house you built with drug money. Is that it?

LINDSEY: They’re laces not lines.

JUDY: Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

LINDESY: Would you just pay up and get your shit out already, God!…

LINDESY (Under her breath): At least I can control my bladder.

JUDY: Did you just get smart with me?

LINDESY: No, Ma’am.

JUDY: Listen, eat morons like you for breakfast. You’re gonna be crying before this is over.

LINDESY: Game on then Bitch. You’re vagina is so dry you your husband went down on you and came up dehydrated.

JUDY: Oh, smart mouth huh. No wonder your brain is starved if that’s where all your smarts are.

LINDESY: Your vagina is so dusty, when your husband had sex with you, his dick came out looking like Oliver Twists finger.

JUDY: What do you know, the girl knows classic literature. Let me give you a few more books to read. If you can’t carry them, I’m sure you’ve got room in your vagina.

SHOPKEEPER: Ladies. Please, please. Can this stop. Both of your vagina’s are probably very unpleasant.

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