LINDSEY walks into her local alcohol convenience outlet. She goes straight to pick up the strawberry laces and walks back to to the till. In front of her is a women who is wrestling with her hand bag. It turns out to be Judge JUDY.

LINDSEY: Erm, excuse me. I’m kind of in a rush here.

JUDEY: Excuse you. Who they do you think you are walking in here telling me where to get off. I’ll tell you where to get off missy.

LINDSEY: Why don’t you just move to one side and let me make my purchase.

JUDEY: Wait a minute. I know you. How are we Miss Lohan? What could you be doing in a convenience store at 9.30?

LINDSEY: What I do with my strawberry laces is my prerogative. I don’t need a bitch with a broom up her ass tell me what to.

JUDY: Oh I see. You come down to the store to pick up a couple of lines and the scoot your fanny back to the house you built with drug money. Is that it?

LINDSEY: They’re laces not lines.

JUDY: Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

LINDESY: Would you just pay up and get your shit out already, God!…

LINDESY (Under her breath): At least I can control my bladder.

JUDY: Did you just get smart with me?

LINDESY: No, Ma’am.

JUDY: Listen, eat morons like you for breakfast. You’re gonna be crying before this is over.

LINDESY: Game on then Bitch. You’re vagina is so dry you your husband went down on you and came up dehydrated.

JUDY: Oh, smart mouth huh. No wonder your brain is starved if that’s where all your smarts are.

LINDESY: Your vagina is so dusty, when your husband had sex with you, his dick came out looking like Oliver Twists finger.

JUDY: What do you know, the girl knows classic literature. Let me give you a few more books to read. If you can’t carry them, I’m sure you’ve got room in your vagina.

SHOPKEEPER: Ladies. Please, please. Can this stop. Both of your vagina’s are probably very unpleasant.